Stop Making Sense

I have been pretty stupified lately on how and why certain people don't get back on my inquiries? I'm getting disgruntled about my puppetry thing and am tired of putting it into other people's hands.

Also heard from HOTB's Education Director regarding the teaching mentorship thing- of course I wasn't selected. What irked me though was that the email came with others named in the CC: line from her personal email account. "We decided to only interview those with puppetry experience." Um, I HAVE PUPPETRY EXPERIENCE. I think that's bogus and feel stymied by those that don't really get it. Or maybe I just don't get it.

I've always had an issue with others making decisions for me- I let it happen far too frequently. I stifle myself if it's left up to me though.

Something has to shift.

applications

I applied (last-minute) for In the Heart of the Beast's teacher training. It could be the boost I would need to get my little toes wet in the water of puppetry. Training, shadowing, a cool opportunity I think, and a chance to eventually end up on their roster. I would like it very much.

I also accepted a part-time permanent job here at CIU. Good benefits and I think I can make this work for the meanwhile.

Ah. for the meanwhile.

New stuff

I'm starting a new "temp" gig. My friend John forwarded me an email from a friend who works at MinnesotaCare. The Imaging Unit there is looking for help for about a 9 month period. I applied, had a phone interview and then was offered the job the next day. Very cool, as it means more pay and no more train (with 1 hour commute to and fro). I'll be starting earlier in the day, but getting out at 4:00. Sounds good to me. All I'm doing is running, lately.

Yes, well, I don't know anymore. I think I'm losing my grip on stage acting. I have no perspective on when or what my next stage project will be. I'm not sure that I even care. My options are limited, and I don't really feel like persuing it. I'm more interested in making a few more dollars an hour, and daydreaming about a time when I take the old wooden phone booth in my folks garage, cleaning it out, hauling it to Minnesota and using it for my lucraive voice over career. Day dreams, mind you...

I'm not sure that my agent wants to use my demo that I paid hundreds of dollars for already. The first attempt yielded mediocre results, in her opinion. So I made the adjustments that she suggested, and emailed her the MP3 version last week. I haven't heard anything from her besides an audition notice that I couldn't do. I plan to submit it to other agencies, as I feel that she doesn't care for the voiceover person I worked with to make my demo (at least that's what he says). I fear that I've been caught in between a weird ego struggle, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I want no part of it, and am waiting to hear if this is indeed the case. I like my agency, but I feel very green when it comes to something new like voiceovers. I also feel pretty stupid.

Maybe this whole thing is just not my cup of tea anymore. The trouble is that if I give it up, who and what am I? Have I wasted my last 20 years?

Halfway there

Today I ran a half-marathon, as dictated by my schedule. Not a bad route, and I only stopped at a PDQ to grab a quick drink (I promised Amy I would). Two blisters on my left foot dictated that I needed new socks. The shoe was a bit tight too. Might need new ones before the race, which is two months away. This is the longest I have ever run at once.

My two auditions went well enough; the Old Log better than the Guthrie. I have a good repoire with Tom Stolz who was there; we chatted for a while afterwards. John Miller-Stephany was late and he looked bored. He did ask me about "Mr. Hulot's Holiday", which I did 12 years ago, so he was at least halfway engaged. Glad that it's over, though. The thank you card will be mailed soon.

The bathroom continues to be a source of never-ending work. The tiling is done, but other projects have emerged for which we are unprepared. One by one...

You Better Run, Run, Run

Yesterday I ran "as scheduled" (which means I guessed the milage needed because for some reason this week of my marathon training schedule is cut off on the printed page). I am up to 8 miles, which didn't feel like 8 miles- not sure if it was because I ran a similar route in the same neighborhood last week- as it wasn't as grueling as I first made it out to be. Regardless, it's the longest I've ever run at any one time. So, I've broken the barrier. Next Saturday is 10 miles, so we'll see how we feel after that...

I did my voice demo last week, which was a good process. I'm never confident in my vocal quality, as I never really fully enjoy the way I sound, but my agent and recording coach seemed to think I was all right. 70 seconds of Jared. I am glad I did it, as it was always a market that I wanted to tap into. I still have the little fantasy of doing cartoon voices, so this is a step in the right direction. Or a step, in any case.

I also have a few (rare) auditions coming up. I'm taking a half-day off of work to audition for the Old Log generals next Monday, then later to observe a class at Stages Theatre. I'm still a theatre guy, right? That following Tuesday I need to call for my Equity slot at the Guthrie (finally!). I'm aiming for a Friday audition, as I can just hop the train on my lunch break and walk a few minutes to the site. No doubt I'll take more than my halfhour break to accomplish this, but so what, eh? I'll make up the time one way or another.

That's the latest. I'm still alive and kicking.

I'm actually writing a screenplay. Wow, something completely original.

I'll also be adding my theatre resume and links to some short films and what-not that I've done over the last few years. See Jared in action, if you dare...

laugh a minute

I went to see "Unnecessary Farce" at the Old Log last night. My friends Sean and Emily Dooley were in it, and he comped me. He told me about 6 weeks ago that there was quite a bit of behind the scene strife going on; that one of the actresses had quit the show after alot of head butting with the director. Her replacement was pretty good, however. Everyone was very sharp, which was good to see. Even the chatterbox women sitting ahead of me didn't really bother me; they became part of the show. Had I actually paid for the show, I might have felt differently.

It was good to go back there. I saw Tim and Tom Stolz, each of whom had given me a big hug. It was almost exactly a year ago that I finished acting there for "Proposals", which I deemed a very good experience. I'd act there again in a heartbeat. I really felt like a professional actor there. People went there for a good time, and we delivered it to them. Good feeling.

Just went for another 5 mile run. Colder than I thought it would be, but as always it feels like I'm accomplishing something. That feeling of stiffness and the slight shallow "recovery breathing" that takes place afterwards for about an hour is a subtle reminder of this.

I managed to kill the Wizard of Yendor, but didn't get the Amulet quite yet. I'm pretty close, though.

one step closer

Sandy Boren-Barrett, the Artistic Director at Stages Theatre Company, returned my call today for an informational interview. I need to email her to set it up, but we will probably meet next week.

I have a memory of a few years ago, before I acted there 2 years ago, that she gave me a tour of the facility. I can't remember why I was there in the first place-an audition perhaps? I'm not certain. In any case, I think they have a good thing going. They could be an invaluable resource. It had never occured to me before reading my career books that an informational interview was something you could request. Go figure.

Also excited for taxes. Amy and I are almost done.

Also excited for the wild rice soup I'm whisking right now.

Decided not to run tonight. It's a difficult transition from the YMCA to runs starting from home. The club tends to frown on 50 minute treadmill runs. And the track had "Family Hour" until 7:00 tonight, so that pretty much decided it for me.

Long night's journey into....night

It's that time of year again! When you wake up before the sun shows itself, and then leave work in the dead of the darkness. It's depressing, but knowing that it'll get lighter sooner, is the only reason I tolerate Minnesota year after year.

I'm also temping again, which is good for the money, but taking the train into downtown is a long haul weekday mornings. It's tolerable enough, and the data entry that accompanies it will last just long enough before it drives me crazy. Still working on finding that day job.

Funny how life works itself out without killing you. Usually.

I've also been working on a couple of ideas for my puppetry project. Admittedly, it's been a challenge this last week actually doing the writing and reading necessary, for starting temp work again tends to sap my strength, and lately coming home and playing Baldur's Gate is about all I want to do. Just a matter of establishing those habits again. The very idea of performing puppetry makes me happy, it's all of the prep work and construction that scares me.

Arrested Development

So wrong, and yet so right. Coming to a bus stop near you!

Fringe-fer-All

I just got back from Fringe-for-All #2. "Among the Oats" went dead last, which was weird but welcome. Mark and I prepped well enough, but we went over in time, and were thusly clapped off the stage. He took some liberty in the beginning of our scene to play, which was fine, as the audience got a kick out of what was happening, I think. I kept wondering "What's taking him so long?" I was worried that he couldn't get the tape ripped off for his accessory. I thought the scene went well though.

I just hope people don't think I was an asshole or something as I kind of yelled my last line over the clapping as I walked off the stage. Really, I was having fun with the fact that we went over, and decided to play that up. Oh well. See the play for the play, not for the producing asshole.

I saw some good previews tonight, and some not so good. Par for the course, of course. I had fun. It was different and weird t be a part of the Fringe like that. I need to make an effort to see some of it (more of it) in the weeks to come.

God bless Amerika

I don't know the source of that title. But it's the 4th and I thought I'd say something at least somewhat patriotic, if not ironical.

Does it not say something that the president was heckled today during a speech? I don't know what was said, or even how appropriate it was to interrupt a speech, but it certainly is a testament as to how angry people are.

No show work today. I've been recovering from a cold and I want to treat it like a holiday. Besides, I have my face buried in a computer daily- time to experience the sunlight. I did get a return email from Jon Ferguson today. He expressed a willingness to look in on a rehearsal of "Oats". It's heartening that someone like Jon at least has the interest to help out and give feedback. I feel that artists like Jon really do enhance the theatre scene here in the Twin Cities, offering a real genuine approach to stagework- something very different than the regular fare of the past 10 years. Glad to know and learn from him.

scratch that

Okay, so rehearsals have been going pretty well so far. Drew and Mark have a grip on things, and my insights seem to have resonated with them. Now for a 2 week sabbatical of sorts as I delve into Jon Ferguson's clown class. I'll have some "Oat" stuff to do in the meantime, but that will come with persistence.

I just get ticked off when requests for information or equipment go unanswered. Is it so fucking hard to email me a "yes" or "no"?

The more things change, the more things stay the same in their asshole universe.

Perhaps I'm uppity because I'm producing again.

Jared blog like a log

Well, it's been about a month since my last post. I haven't been writing lately because I've been fairly self-absorbed. And I'm wondering about the value of blogging my thoughts in the first place. But I'll oblige as I like the idea of my own personal nook as a window to my soul. Or something less lofty.

My temp job ended today, with nothing lined up right now.

I got new headshots recently, and I'm pretty happy with the lot of them. I got monologue coaching recently from a local actor, from who I got a recommendation to potentially sign with a talent agency (we'll see if this materializes into anything tangible). I am hankering to do a voiceover demo, but I have no idea right now if it's feasible or if I'm marketable for that sort of thing.

Related voiceover anecdote: At our overnight high school graduating party, we were pulled aside to do a video documentary 2 at a time. My friend Sam and I went into the coaches room and were interviewed by some radio guy about what we'd be up to 5 years from now. Sam's response: finishing up his first year of law school. My response: doing all the cartoon voices for NBC Saturday morning. Guess who nailed their prediction?

Meanwhile, I'm working on my Fringe show. Hitting a few snags here and there, but I am feeling fulfilled by tackling the project and getting it out of my system. First rehearsal is next Tuesday.

And the beat goes on...

Lone Wolf and No Cub

I rather enjoy convincing other people to follow me on my Don Quixote-esque quests. There's something to be mined there, I think.

The thought occurred to me today that I'm still a bit haunted by my previous associations with being a part of theatres and having it end negatively. I am wondering if the residual effects of this pervade through me or in spite of me. Maybe I'm just sensitive and paranoid.

Related note: I had a bad audition on Sunday- got the rejection email today (fully expected, of course). It wasn't even so much me as the director that threw me. I don't really know if he was listening- I clearly stated that 2 monologues were being done. I performed the comedic one well enough, and then made a clear shift into the "dramatic" one, and spoke the first line. The director guffawed and then said "good, good" as if (from my perception) to end the audition. I glanced at him, and continued on. Upon completing my minute monologue, he leaped out of his chair saying "thank you" and quickly escorted me to the door. Of course, I knew it was over and done before it was over and done. Jerk. I've auditioned for about once a year on average since 2000, and I've given him average to excellent auditions. I felt like the whole experience was diminished by the fact that he seemed to make his mind up about me (or has made up his mind up about me years ago) before the audition began. There are several directors like this in town who I think feel this way.

That bothers me well enough, but I can deal as I really have no tie to them. But when people I know seem to have a similar manner, or "dis-ease", about my talent or projects I undertake, then it gets me all weirded out. As if there's some undelivered communication. Perhaps it's because I take my art pretty personally despite the apparent sillyness or vaguery it can portend. It's a part of me, and when that part is rejected, well then... ugh. There's weirdness.

So, I guess what I'm babbling on about is this: I am trying to embrace my own thing, and trying to be cool with those that may not dig it. And I can't see a time when I will collaborate again with anyone producing something. Never say never, but I owe myself an identity and comfort within that existence and association.

Fringe elements

So I'm taking charge of another theatre project, and it feels pretty good. I feel like I'm getting a grasp on things I need to prepare, getting a few actors I like interested in the script, etc. I've found that I get things done when I'm sneaking in blocking notes while I should be color-coding invoices to be filed away at my temp job. Two of three sections done and blocked in the last few days. Me likey.

But the ghosts of doubt come back every once in a while. I seem to like to remind myself of the last time I directed, and how I became vulnerable and allowed my integrity to nearly snap in half because of someone else's ill-founded notions of my leadership capabilities. Hypocritical arguments made to my face and behind my back. Just real violations of trust that brought out the worst in how I handle situations. It's the second time something like that happened to me- almost the exact same scenario, and I almost let it take me down again. I think I directed in the wrong place at the wrong time; devoting myself to a company that was doomed from the get go- something that wasn't going to grow and mature into something tangible and dynamic. It's still disappointing to me, almost 2 years later. Agreements from day one were broken at the drop of a hat.

In any case, I've become even more careful about who I work with and who I put my trust in. I can't allow for a slip like that again. Granted, I've learned alot from those experiences, but I'll be damned if I'll continue to learn like that.

Life in da theatre

So early last week was spent in Milwaukee and Chicago. Oddly enough, I spent about a grand total of an hour and a half collectively in each city(travel included). I sped into town last Monday during a horrendous winter storm and auditioned for about 15 theatres in Milwaukee (I made it just in time). Chicago the next day was a much less harrowing experience, as I parked my car at the Cumberland Transit station and rode the El into downtown to audition in a tiny AEA office stuffed with actors overdressed or underdressed for Cincinatti Playhouse in the Park. Right after my 3 minute audition, I headed back to the train and shot out of town. Admittedly, it'd be easier to be in Chicago doing this stuff, but with general auditions being the crapshoots that they are, I feel I'm doing everything for my career that I can within reason.

Some guy just accidently hit me in the head with his flimsy plastic sandwich-board sign as he left the car I was in for the next- while the train was moving back towards Cumberland Station, of course. All in all, it was a good trip. I stayed with my sister in Madison in between auditions, and had a good visit.

I've had to saddle up recently and get back to temping- I start a week-long gig at 3M in St. Paul tomorrow. It's what I expected to be doing, having been spoiled at the Old Log Theatre for the last 5 months. I never took for granted how good I had it when I had it.

So, I'm not despairing by any means, but the unknown is back as it was before. The game is different, though. This Equity thing is what I wanted, so I'm getting used to this moniker and feeling out what it means.

So, if I don't score a summer acting gig, I have the Fringe. I'm actually excited about the project I have in mind, but I don't want to go hog wild in case I leave for the summer. Once March 14 comes around, and if I have no offers that conflict with late July/ early August, I'll be Fringing it. After that, I'll start putting things into motion. Either way I'll have someting to look forward to. It'll be an interesting few months ahead.

"Every exit is an entry somewhere else."

Well, howdy selective readers. I am not in the next Old Log show. It goes to show that you really can't count on any one thing. I had a good audition for "Incorruptable", but wasn't the right fit.

That said, I am now starting to really embrace the lifestyle of a professional actor. One of tenacity and endless auditions and training. I am flying to Chicago for an audition in a few weeks, and plan to do a few more down that way in the coming month. I also plan on taking a course or two in On Camera and Voiceover in the next few months too. I registered for the Fringe lottery as well, so I could use that as a showcase if selected. Just trying to be proactive.

And, hey, temping isn't all bad. If I have something to look forward to, it's especially good. :ife be A-OK right now. There isn't anything else I'd rather be doing.

"Stiff and mannered"

It's wierd being called "stiff and mannered" when the character is everything but...

http://www.startribune.com/121/story/1458077.html


Let William Randall Beard eat cake! With rat poison in it... ;)

Un-forgettable...

I failed to get my temp timecard signed in time before the deadline this morning, which means I have to wait until NEXT Thursday to get a direct deposit paycheck. Just in time for rent. Whee. Meanwhile, I must not be so carefree with my monies.

Much to Amy's chagrin, I have been preparing a re-written copy of "Among the Oats" suited to my production ideas for use in next year's Fringe Festival, if I enter, and if it gets drawn in the lotto. I am glad that I transcended any bitterness I had about not being drawn this year; I never really felt any. Amidst the crap shows I saw, I felt like everyone got a fair shot at whatever they wanted to do. Fringe was fun, but a bit underwhelming for me. Amy despises the Fringe, more than anyone I've ever talked to.

She didn't care for "Oats" when I did it the first time either. She was in a bad place at that time, and her chief criticism was that the play really had no satisfying resolution. For me, that was kind of the point, but I can see from a dramatic aesthetic one wants to see a show go SOMEWHERE. This next incarnation that I want to do does this, and then some. Using two different episodes, I've got a kooky resolution and a dramatic arc going. The episodes are meant to stand alone, but the three I've compiled (Dream, Fashion, and Death) give a hint of history and lend something to the relationship that the three characters have.

I dunno. The show is "fringey". I think others would dig it. It turns me on. Thas all.