Lone Wolf and No Cub

I rather enjoy convincing other people to follow me on my Don Quixote-esque quests. There's something to be mined there, I think.

The thought occurred to me today that I'm still a bit haunted by my previous associations with being a part of theatres and having it end negatively. I am wondering if the residual effects of this pervade through me or in spite of me. Maybe I'm just sensitive and paranoid.

Related note: I had a bad audition on Sunday- got the rejection email today (fully expected, of course). It wasn't even so much me as the director that threw me. I don't really know if he was listening- I clearly stated that 2 monologues were being done. I performed the comedic one well enough, and then made a clear shift into the "dramatic" one, and spoke the first line. The director guffawed and then said "good, good" as if (from my perception) to end the audition. I glanced at him, and continued on. Upon completing my minute monologue, he leaped out of his chair saying "thank you" and quickly escorted me to the door. Of course, I knew it was over and done before it was over and done. Jerk. I've auditioned for about once a year on average since 2000, and I've given him average to excellent auditions. I felt like the whole experience was diminished by the fact that he seemed to make his mind up about me (or has made up his mind up about me years ago) before the audition began. There are several directors like this in town who I think feel this way.

That bothers me well enough, but I can deal as I really have no tie to them. But when people I know seem to have a similar manner, or "dis-ease", about my talent or projects I undertake, then it gets me all weirded out. As if there's some undelivered communication. Perhaps it's because I take my art pretty personally despite the apparent sillyness or vaguery it can portend. It's a part of me, and when that part is rejected, well then... ugh. There's weirdness.

So, I guess what I'm babbling on about is this: I am trying to embrace my own thing, and trying to be cool with those that may not dig it. And I can't see a time when I will collaborate again with anyone producing something. Never say never, but I owe myself an identity and comfort within that existence and association.