"This is your new thing now"

I feel slightly blissed out today. Amy comes home tonight from L.A., there's money in my bank account, and I opened a show this weekend. I'll also be doing another show for Exposed Brick next Friday afternoon, which is good. The Vikings will hopefully draft a kick-ass offensive player this weekend. Life is pretty O.K. right now.
I dunno, I guess I go into funks and feel excluded on a semi-regular basis. I didn't get the artist's initiative grant, I didn't get into the MN Fringe Festival (couldn't make a BYOV work either), I didn't get cast in at least 5 plays I wanted to be cast in. I quit the theatre company I was involved after 2 years of several trying experiences to make a cohesive and rewarding environment (I saw that I was removed from the Wikipedia entry). I made it mean that I was intentionally edged out because of some failure on my part. Not necessarily true. I mean, we actors can generally sense when we've "nailed" an audition; felt good about the monologue or the cold-read we had for the director. I had that feeling for all 5 of the auditions mentioned previously (save for the one that I know sucked ass: the Jungle), but to no avail. But that's everyone's story, right? And I really don't feel so bad about it. I mean, I am not defined by any individual or entity like that. The Popularity Contest that pervades this town is a fleeting and everchanging beast. And it matters diddlysquat in the long-run.
I think I want to start my own thing. I tried once, but it fell flat. Probably because I had no base, design or support to it. I just wanted to "do my show". I mean, I'd like a venue or means to do work that I want to do. Work that I think needs to be addressed. I don't know what it looks like, but something new would be a welcome change. There's just that whole "trust issue" thing to navigate around.